Faith II

If you missed Faith I, check it out here.

Cold and complacent, he waved to the daunting gateway. “Then go.”

Shivering, I trudged toward the ominous doorway and crossed my arms to hide the tremors. The shuffling of my feet echoed against the sleek surfaces of the courtroom, but soon were drowned out by the growling, hissing drone of damnation screeching out at me. I was a mere step from feeding myself to the depths when I could bring myself to walk no further. Despite the acceptance and inevitability of my fate, my bravado dwindled. The greedy void licked at me with anticipation and I retreated a stride, all blood retreating to my heart and leaving my cheeks and fingers frozen.

I pivoted on my heel to face my father once more, and concocted a reason for my delay. “I’m not sorry. But since this is the last time we'll see each other, I think it’s time for you to apologize to me for a change.”

He scoffed, “You're stalling.”

“I’m not leaving until you say it,” I pressed.

“I have nothing to repent.”

His conceit flared the fire in my core and I slammed the gateway door shut. “What about abandoning me? Or the fact that you laid my entire destiny out in front of me? You made me human, like everyone else on Earth, but for some reason, I’m the only one that wasn’t given free will.”

"You don't think you have free will?" He seized my mutilated arms again. "You think I compelled you to do this to yourself? This is the last thing I wanted.”

“But you knew this would happen.” My jaw dropped with the realization. "From the moment you created me.”

He straightened, exuding a strength that, for the first time, seemed false. “Yes."

“You sat back and acted like everything was fine. All the while you knew that every moment was leading to this."

“Yes, I see the past, present, and future as one, but I have no right to change any of it. You have free will. Knowledge is my burden. I know all and I created all, but I can’t interfere.”

“Who says? You? You are the one that made the rules so break them."

“What would you have me do? Burst through the sky and smite all evil?”

“That would be better than my second coming. Nobody cared. You allowed humanity to run your world and now they’ve lost all sense of goodness.”

“It is not my world. I created it for humanity. I can tell them how I’d like them to run it, but ultimately, it is up to them.”

“So, what, you sit on your cloud and watch the world implode?” I snapped.

“No, that’s what you were for.” His complexion flushed purple and the panels of the wall shook. “You were supposed to inspire the masses and teach them how to live in peace.”

“But no one would listen,” I defended. “No one would believe me. Every mind I came across was completely closed and apathetic. You waited too long to send me and humanity lost all hope. When I reached out to you for help, you never answered. And you wonder why I lost faith. How can I trust a father who has all knowledge but only uses it for his own agenda? A father who won’t lift a finger to help me or anyone else.”

The wood of the nearby table crumbled under his grip. “Everything I have ever done has been for the good of my creations."

“I am one of your creations." My chin raised to match his. "You chose to put me through pain and suffering. Was that for my own good, Father? You crucified me in order to save the rest of humanity. But what about me?”

To my surprise, God's face drained. “What else do you want from me? The only reason we’re having this conversation is because I couldn't send you to hell. I try to give you everything, and you throw it away. You criticize me for not breaking my own rules but then I make an exception for you and you refuse.”

“You should break the rules for the people on Earth. This would be breaking the rules for me personally. The only reason behind it that makes sense would be selfishness, if you were able to be selfish.”

He returned to a familiar, gentle patience I knew from my youth, every wrinkle smooth as silk. “You don’t think I can be selfish?”

“Aren’t you above that?”

“I feel love more fiercely than humans. Sometimes I feel compelled to act on those emotions, just as humans do. Where do you think the human design came from?”

I studied his newfound humility, skeptical as ever. He had never willingly submitted to another being. In fact, I had never seen him weak at all.

“You are my father, and I spent thousands of years with you, but I still don’t know you.”

He smiled, soft but sly. “There is only so much that is safe for me to reveal.”

“That makes for a lonely existence."

“I talk to billions of people all the time.”

“No, they talk to you. How often do you actually respond?”

He avoided my scrutiny, reasserting his impenetrable wall of defense. “I am not lonely.”

“Can you stop being God for a second? Can you just be my father?”

“I am your father,” he rebuked.

“Stop picking a fight with me.” I relaxed my shoulders, lowering my guard to prove he was safe to do the same. “I’m simply asking if we can talk like father and son rather than master and prodigy.”

After a minute of stubbornness, he guided me back to my chair of judgement. When I scowled in response, he drew up the defense attorney's chair and positioned it across from mine. Trusting that I was not on trial for the moment, I took my seat.

He pressed his elbows into his knees for balance, ducking down level with me. “Alright, here we are, father and son. What is it you want to say to me, as my son?”

To be continued in Faith III...

© 2020 by Kelsey Garber